i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.