do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus