At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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