M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
