I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
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If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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