so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
