this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
