This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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