What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
