I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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