you didnt know i had herpes?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i think my cat just said my name.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize