I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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