I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
