I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize