He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize