So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no, he came in my armpit
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
