Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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