32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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