my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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