You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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