I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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