the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
