Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
