I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
