I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize