toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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