She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
