I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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