good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize