we made out on top of his cat.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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