This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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