We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize