I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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