Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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