Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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