You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
