Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
