I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
