Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize