clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
