I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Randomize
