mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face