Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?