Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram