If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER