is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.