K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
