Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?