We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You surviving the open bar?
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Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.