Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.