no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.