my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My ATM looks so different sober.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.