just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
