Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
