is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
