when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
