he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
