Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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