I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
