I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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