you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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